Self/Other

Meta-program: Attention Sorting: Self – Others

Does the person sort for the nonverbal behavior of others or for their own internal experience? This category shows whether someone automatically perceives the body language and tonality of others and responds to them or not so much.

Sorting for Self:

Self-sorting people hardly betray feelings, even if they experience them. Sometimes there is a time delay between the perception of a stimulus and their reaction to it. They behave as they think fit. They are only convinced by the content, not by tonality, body language or any rapport accompanying the statement.

They struggle to build rapport because they do not notice the body language of others and therefore overlook many hints and clues. They judge the quality of communication based on their own feelings. Therefore, they are usually not very skilled in interpersonal communication. In the context of work, self-sorting people are mostly used as technical experts in areas for which communication skills are not crucial.

A person with more of a self-sort can be very self-centered and disassociated. They primarily make their decisions based on their own personal interests — based on what’s “in it for them” in any particular situation. Therefore, in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to look at ways you can meet their needs. You must help them make a decision based on satisfying their own needs, wants and desires.

Sorting for Others:

Others-sorting people react automatically and reflexively to the behavior of others. They behave lively within their culture and respond to others with facial expression, body movement and vocal changes. They assess the quality of a communication based on the reactions they consciously and unconsciously perceive in the other person. They have a good ability to build or maintain rapport, provided they possess other relevant patterns as well.

A person with more of an other-sort is often very curious and focused on the needs of other people. Therefore before they make any kind of decision, they will often think of what’s in it for others and how others will benefit from this decision. They will, in essence, put other people’s needs ahead of their own. Therefore, in order to influence, motivate and build rapport with this person you will need to focus your conversation on the needs of others. Outline the benefits that other people will gain from this situation and how this could potentially improve their lives.

Research into this pattern

Southwest Airlines has found that 95% of all complaints were caused by 7% of the workforce. Thereupon, an attitude test was made that mainly paid attention to whether someone sorted for himself or for others, and only candidates from the last group were hired. Since this measure, the airline has the fewest complaints since its inception.

Possibilities for recognition in conversation

Self: Lack of culturally appropriate responses such as nodding, “Hm-hm”, etc., only responds to the content of what has been said; does not pick up the pencil dropped by someone else; ignores or does not react to your tonality. Little or no facial expression or variation of tonality.

Others: reacts to both content and non-verbal aspects of communication, responding with nods, body movements, “hm-hm” etc., vivid facial expressions and gestures (in the frame of one’s culture).