2 – Fundamentals of Influential Communication

Jerry December 28, 2020

“You build trust with others each time you choose integrity over image… truth over convenience… or honor over personal gain.” – John Maxwell

Everyday in life we get the opportunity to influence others. It may be in our personal life interacting with family, friends and acquaintances or in the daily contacts with others, whether in person or online. In the work domain, this includes our peers, direct reports, our managers and our customers and suppliers.

The two extremes

Some of us react negatively to the thought of “having to influence” while others do this unconsciously – almost automatically – when the need arises. On the other extreme is the more politically motivated example where people do this in a very calculated and strategic manner.

Either ends of the extreme have their own drawbacks – from being invisible and looked over for projects to being seen as a political animal – without necessarily providing the follow through on delivery – that one we need to be weary of.

So, what is influencing?

The Oxford English Dictionary defines Influence as “the capacity to have an effect on the character, development or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself.” And, ideally, to be able to do this without exerting excessive force or pressure.

Being able to influence or choosing not to be influenced is a necessary survival skill in business and in many situations in everyday life.

As a leader, unless you are able to influence others to buy your vision, you will not be gaining followship and full engagement from those you are leading.

As a team member, unless you can influence or stand up to others’ influence that are less than positively inspired, you will not be able to harness respect, good collaboration and sharing from others.

The old model of coercive and autocratic leadership – “do as you are told” no longer holds sway as it disempowers employees and managers alike. Not being able to connect with people and see them as capable and competent contributors to their teams and the organisation is not only disrespectful but it will not motivate them to give their best!

Building relationships may not increase influence… but no-one increases influence without building relationships. – Dr Mark Strom

So what are some things to be mindful of when influencing others?

Most importantly, you cannot not influence! Virtually every action you take or don’t take has an influence. When interacting with others, even doing absolutely nothing, not moving and staying silent, has an influence. Everything about you sends out an influence-message. The way you dress, your body language and facial expressions, the way you talk… everything.

So the question isn’t whether you do or don’t influence others, but rather is your influence helping to achieve the desired outcome or impeding it.

The KEY is to Influence with Integrity:

1) The Greater Good

Ask yourself – “what is the bigger cause or greater good here?”

As a business leader, this means coming from a bigger picture or higher place of “advancing the cause” such as rolling out a vision, making a positive contribution, creating growth and opportunities – all of which benefit the individuals, team, organization and/or community.

In other words, it is less about “you” and “your agenda” but is more of a win-win outcome or one that will benefit more than just yourself. Obviously there will be some overlap here too.

The term Dharma, as in the Hindu philosophy meaning “doing the right thing”, captures the spirit well here.

Your orientation is one that is beneficial and not harmful. Think Hitler. He was a hugely influential leader …need I say more?

2) Values-driven

Knowing and living your values also helps in influencing with integrity and decision-making.

Our values help us with our “true north” and helps us chart the course in challenging times.

Influencing with integrity means having a comfortable degree of alignment between your own values and that of others or the organization.

Clearly, at times this will not be perfect but as per Richard Barrett, who has been a leading proponent of culture work has said, – 60% or more works.

3) Being Authentic

Having worked with many great CEOs over the years, one thing I have come to know is that they value authenticity in their managers who are going to share their honest view even if this is divergent from the CEO’s thinking.

Or as an Executive Assistant, you may not have the power to change your manager’s thinking but you still can be true to yourself and speak your thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner and not be chameleon-like or blow with the wind.

Authenticity through being one’s reliable and consistent self helps build TRUST and RESPECT as people get to know each other and can rely on this knowledge to achieve mutual objectives faster. This becomes your BRAND.